Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
