I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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