he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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