Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
