U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
