Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize