she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
