so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
