Just fell off a train. Bad.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
