I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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