Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
