i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
