she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
