I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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