she smelled like a LAN party
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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