Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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