Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
