I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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