Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
