i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
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