Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
