nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
