dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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