she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize