i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Randomize
