what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
