no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
