He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
he was CRYING into my vagina
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
