well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Who did Billy Mays play for?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
