Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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