A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize