Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
