She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
