I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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