I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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