and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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