it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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