how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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