Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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