Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
