you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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