Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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