I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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