you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
