woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
You ate ashes out of my bong
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
