woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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