whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
