It's like God shit irony all over that family
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
