I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
