did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
