but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
