I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
