If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
so let's talk penis.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
