We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
