we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
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