ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize