shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
