Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
