No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
