Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
