Apparently you make a good broom.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Can you bring me the toilet please
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
