We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
