i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
